Work Experience

I often wakeup and thankfully able to write profusely. It can really help clear lots of mind chatter. 

The following is what I wrote this morning I thought it might be a good filler for my personal experience summary on LinkedIn, luckiky you are only allowed 2600 characters, this turned out to be slightly more. So  I thought I see if it would fit as a post, it still exceeded the limit, I realises it is better dropped it in to blogger, as it is a mixture of personal experience and comment which happens once you get time out, and away from situations which are psychologically disturbing.

I do not know what may have happened to me if I did not use writing to help me manage some of what the experience of being stalked.  

Something about finishing the works below made me wonder, if whilst writing help me heal, did it make the stalking worse?  

When I first published my poems in 2007, did that attract another type of stalker, maybe a literary stalker? Or an area of attention I never knew about or could barely understand?

If it was not for the writings of others. I would not be so healed today. I understand the love, and freedom great works can be, and the freedom and safety needed to be able to write. To escape whilst still staying touch with reality.

I actually woke up after having a really vivid dream about seeing people in Victorian attire under an arched bridge, near where I grew up going to church but no such bridge exist there after posting a video on Instagram about my sourdough starter...when for some reason I come out with “bounce ah bridge” why I don’t know what does that have to do with bread I do not know. Mind I almost did pay attention and went to close to car whilst parking under a bridge recently.

As if one nightmare was not enough, I wake from some kind of interaction with a very powerful law enforcement personnel, i better just behave oui, and pray nothing is everything!

Suppose Nobody ever Heals Ever...it can feel like it needn’t be anyone’s truth with the amount of self help available. But unfortunately human biology is not that simple. Sadly enough not everyone can change or be responsive to positive intervention!

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

...Imagine its date night...

...Friends Night...out...

...Mates Night...out...

...Lads or Ladies Night on the Town...school  or any other kind of reunion.

Which ever group it is

Which ever type of Night planned...

...it ends up being Movie Night whether anyone group or individual actually gets to the movie theatre or not. Whether the group stays home or not. Once they committ or agree to an activity, it is movie night. Where ever it is with whosoever it is...everything and everyone is stuck on a movie night they never return from. 

They are locked in. 

Forced in. 

In what seems like forever. 

For whatever the duration of time that movie lasts, it is never over.  Action, and reaction is constantly set on repeat, action replay of the exact same moment, over, and over again!

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What can I say?

It is Wednesday the 23rd of February 2022. It is my late Mothers birthday. It is also two years since for the first time I found footage of what I am now concerned are stalkers, who trespassed into home. Despite reporting the incidents. I was seemingly accused of being the intruders. Despite all identifying marks differing!

What can I tell you other than forcible house entry and burglary was part of my child having seeing burglars in the act in my own family home. That is what my life had been like, and felt like everyday growing up. Locked in. A Pattern that continued even after getting out!

Roof over my head

Food

Held

Rushed back to hospital in the very early stages of my life, again, and once again.

Born 1965

The year of magnitudes of civil unrest. The collective inability to act and perceive in a humane way toward another human being. The Constant and Continual perverted violent need to touch another human being inappropriately. A collective lack of education so great that the simplicity needed to understand peace, and peacefulness, and the very basics of human right to live in peace without any form of assault leads to unthinkable levels of unnecessary assault on every level.  Creating ongoing exorbitant levels  of incidents, injuries,  atmospheres, and affected belief systems so far out of the spectrum and scale of humanity, and most poignant reality. 57 years later and it is still underlying modern day human existence!

Born 1965

I was taken back to hospital several times. At times sitting on the back leather ribbed seat of my local Gp’s Jaguar car. Born 1965 the Year of civil unrest and my local Doctor is black (mixed looking) whose surgery I refused to leave (despite leaving his locality) until I was deep into my late 20’s which meant my daughter also got to be his patient too. I remember him to this day, now with great affection for the strength it must have taken to be who he was. I never knew him personally, or what he would have been like in private.  For me he was a no nonsense doctor who never faltered from the fact based advice that worked. For me that was important truth, being brought up abused can mean being out of touch with reality, and copious amounts of lies. For the health I have today I honour him for the support he was to me, and my Mother who is the only person I can remember being with me, though that may not be entirely true. It is as far as my memory can go. He was a tall man, very well built, and spoken with a deep loud voice, had a very rough, gruff, detached but  professional manner about him always short and to the point...scared the life out of me most of the time but he had known me all of my early life, and formative years, and that was a great comfort to me in my early days of leaving home when I was learning to manage my health in my own way. When I went to him after leaving home once I began investigating the abuse against me from within my own family, he took the time to listen to me, and replied to my questions and concerns I felt with honesty, and again realistic truths. 

I would not be here today if it was not for the quick decisions, and actions of that Doctor, and I dare say a lot of other people including my family. which is why I always try and take care of a doctors work. Though, I want to do better. In my personal world, mentality, imagination my early experience with my local GP shaped my perception, in my early life “my doctor” saved “my world” still in my reality and imagination is a belief system that healthy good and well intentioned medical doctors of every speciality, good and well intentioned neuroscientist of every speciality need to be in charge of society. Managing what is good for  all concerns for the best health in society to continue in replenishing, and nourishing ways for all involved, and concerned. I am so Grateful, so Thankful and so Glad, I survived long enough to  see Doctors in charge in my life time! Grateful!

I almost feel like I do not know how to finish this as a summary of a life experience. But one of the greatest experiences, and moments I have, is being able to look back and over my life, and feel more and more grateful for everything. What has really help prompt that level of healing is the knowledge I gained through studying Brain Health! Yes, check my social media and you will see a lot of doctors content. Learning the brain and mind connection has been vital to surviving molestation, incest rape, managing psychological,  and emotional challenges especially when that becomes a pattern and is something that goes on to affect you long after baby, and childhood. Creating an affect in the work place, and socially as those patterns go on to take the form of stalking behaviours, humiliation in intimate relationships, appearing as investigations that do not resolve but abuse, the constant power to blame, the obsessive need to prove you have no privacy even after you were raped, as a minor.  Which can go on to create little or no understanding before typecasts set in for example, being typecast into a roles of cook and babysitter if you dare change your career path you remain abused, as though you were born without the right to survive or earn money how so ever you choose.

As a child, I never understood why I was attacked every thing to me for a time just  I felt painful. I remember is being forced to stand in front of a sibling 10 + years my senior, and physically a lot heavier than I was. I always dreaded it and felt hatred for the man. I did not know that he may not have known how sick he was. But for me it was like absolute torture as they prempted my every word, or action then laughed and continued to humiliate me, in every way including suffocation, and resuscitation if required as though my life was worthless, they seemed to have no grasp on reality that my sick and at times frail body could feel everything, it felt like absolutely torture to me, and the memory still is even though, thankfully I try to spend little time dwelling on it today, though it still comes up todays as almost the same predictive style of stalking that continues. Which is, why can I tell you that to this day that pattern of what I considered torture still carries on in varying forms, not only seen and experienced from areas such as law enforcement. But has also taken form as certain work place abuses. 

With the advent of the internet it is not impossible for many people of same interests, be that a hobby, psychiatric disorder, addiction,  the need to violently touch in one form or the other, some of those people with the same interest maybe are highly educated, high functioning individuals who go on form alliances for negative impact to occur in the form of targeting anyone as they go about their normal day. 

(Example, the nursing Mother who quickly pins up her hair, dons a short back and sides wig, dresses as a male in disguise then sneaks around abusing anybody with “family” ties!)

I was born to two industrious creative people whose marriage was long. It was not the only long and unconditional love marriage in the family. However, during those times little attention or distinction was made in reference to acts of sexual violence and the ripple affect on generations to come. Emphasis was on reverent obedience at all cost. This forms part of my history which deeply influences my literary works, and recent vocal material. 

I am attacked to this day in a “contactless energetic  way. Feels again like contactless payback, as though someone is still stuck on trying to punish you for when you left them. Or when they were able to make you leave so only they could create a way for you to come back again. The unrecognised forms of contactless assault” makes it all too easy for violent, sexual, even incestuous attacks to continually occur and be enjoyed by such “offenders” openly and constantly especially in public, and the workplace.

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(“I thought you might prefer me as a man”)

That may sound politically incorrect, or even insensitive but the attacks can be very real. 

The truth is orientation be it gender or something else is nothing to do with me, or anybody else. I am not against who or what people chose, or feel they need to do to feel happy, or to be truly themselves. 

Just do not want to be attacked for it at all. Do not come on to me as natural as a result of your perception, due to the changes you made to your body. Nature is nature. Natural is natural attacking either does not change what it is, or who prefers it. 

The ability to grow or develop body parts, I’m sure must be a positive, and very assertive thing for certain individuals, and groups but I do not feel anybody else needs to subject to lies, and abuse as a result

From about 2018 abuses took on that style whilst out working, whilst driving at that, at times constantly confronted, seeing what look like threatening behaviours by other drivers making sexual references or gesticulations to private parts of their body. 

Thank God everyone is free to change to themselves. I will never be against that but again, when stalking behaviours become mangled with anything things can spiral out of control, can turn and feel bad very quickly.

The last thing I need at my age is to be attacked by anyone let alone a bunch of women mocking me because I prefer a natural male, despite that being nobody else’s business but my own.

I do not need anybody attacking me  because they derive much pleasure from having that level of truth about their sexuality but abuse with that in a possessive manner with the intention of mentally disturbing others for their own gratification and entertainment, so as to trick, malign, or manipulate others about their sexuality. Which again in the run of the mill of each day is nobodies business unless you are confronted with someone who becomes obsessed about pointing that out. In some cases it forms part of manipulation, in the worse case scenarios it can be female on female sexual attack even though socially provision has been made to re-term changes to the body, again to me these are private matters that need to be protected as such, not flung in a persons face. What I am referring to, and what concerns me is when somebody does not care about who they attack regardless then becomes so obsessive about attacking others enjoying taking people in knowing it will have a negative and devastating affect on that person. (“bet you don’t recognised me now I don’t have pig tales”)  hmm...mmm...that can create an atmosphere for those who derive far too much pleasure from such a sleight, the pleasure of a lie in some cases, and the enjoyment of misrepresentation, which can be a continuation of emulating what is seen as male chauvinistic abuses    which can leave in its wake far too much hurt, loss, heartbreak, and life long pain. I am going to elaborate further because this does relate to a wave of criminality, an extension of sexually pervasive abuses which has been attacking innocent, and genuine people in all areas of every community, and culture. Changes, and disguises which have created many alibis, and escapes.

Stalking has formed part of domestic abuses, and can be part of the continuum of incest abuses.  Admittedly, it can be fine lines among genuine family who remain concerned about a family member who has to strike out on their own. It can be absolute hell, if no one in a family, or domestically violent situation realises their behaviour toward others is abusive.

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I drive success all day long when on duty. I am a UK based national C+E lorry driver, and whilst I enjoy my job, and have always been grateful for it. In recent times I have felt constantly, and overtly attacked for achieving my licenses. There is a great shortage therefore tgere is more than enough room for everyone to work in a peaceful manner.

(what has been going on is not about anyone saying hello or I am in the country, I met you on holiday etc) 

^

I am Grateful to still have my license but my whole change of path to become a driver has always felt constantly under threat.  

^

Thankfully, I have had some really great days, and good jobs and met some good people. It has been a choice of job which to this day helps me fund my life, and businesses as an independent artist. Thankfully, I had been mentored along the way by those who advised me to believe in my ability and knowledge about the job. Which was just as well especially after investing everything I had, and could borrow into passing all the driving tests it took, back then to get the licenses. There were employers who tried to speak to me as though I never earned the money I earned they paid me, after physically loading and unloading the wagons. My body changed from the first day I got started loading up the cargo, before I went and delivered it. It was trial, and error all the way . But it has worked out as a personal achievement for me, and that I remain grateful.

Sharing survival from all different kinds of abuse, I made part and parcel of my business practice. I believe there was no way the universe, science, God gave me these experiences for me to just sit back with them and be quiet. It is not an option I ever explored since I could speak as a child, since I could write I wrote songs, it has just taken me many  years to exit the effects of the movie theatre, and really make something much more of my creativity!

It maybe hard to believe how treacherous it can be to survive abuse in a family context. Injuries incurred can escalate into subtle or overt dangerous jealousies, competitions which can be long lasting.

But, that same kind of pattern does not just come from within a family abuse, unfortunately it attracts abusers from outside a family too. One of the most wide spread abuses in the world is visual, how you look or don’t look. I tell you, I come from very generations of very pretty people some who came before me and after me which other people just could not leave alone. Hence being stalked, attacked, trapped by others, generation, after generation whilst we, not even knowing we enemy that had long observed us, as a family, as a people, as mixed peoples of every continent and culture,  planned against us without we knowledge as we try to survive and merge, and emerge as normal in society has long continued to be prevalent against us!

It can turn you into a kind of detective as you are forced to decipher how to out run, out wit, and negotiate yourself, and your own family to some kind of freedom from an abuser. It can make you so militant about protecting your mind, your body which the rest of the world take and perceive as political, and positional when all you are trying to do is survive, and out live what the abusers do, because no, or not enough provision was made to heal you, or the other person who will, or might spending their entire life time formulating ways, and carrying out endless deeds to annoy you, stop you, or continually get your attention, and financially interrupt you!

Currently, I continue to drive success all night and day long, investing into my businesses. Often times seeing an artist building their presence, and performance level, or release frequency can cause anger, jealously, and stalking  negative behaviours,  all too often such activity is perceived as wealth, and profit. That is not always the case. As has been said so many times before it can take years, before any profit to arrive, if it ever arrives at all.

I am so Thankful, and Grateful to be where I am today. I am so Blessed, and Loved, and give continual thanks for power, and purpose life is!

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Natural Flowism 

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A Freedom of Being!

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